


Eraser

by coffeeandghostwritting



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Cheating, Cutting, Emmerdale - Freeform, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, M/M content, Panic Attack, Self-Harm, Therapy, drunk, mental health, robron - Freeform, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 17:24:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandghostwritting/pseuds/coffeeandghostwritting
Summary: My take on what happens after the toilet scene where Aaron and Robert find out Rebecca is keeping the baby!In other words, how Aaron and Robert try and move forward after the ONS reveal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I wish would have happened after the toilet scene after Aaron and Robert find out Rebecca is keeping the baby! I mean, I'm sorry, I do not believe Aaron would forgive Robert so quickly and just be perfectly okay with being step-daddy to Robert and Rebecca's baby, all within a couple of days!

_You and her, it can never be over now…_

_You and her, it can never be over now…_

_You and her, it can never be over now…_

Robert continued to play Aaron’s words over and over in his head. He tried to reach for Aaron in the toilets, but he pushed him away with a angry and gut wrenching _don’t._

Robert just wanted to hold him. He wanted to hear that Aaron still loved him and forgave him, that Rebecca keeping the baby didn’t change anything. He didn’t want the baby. He didn’t want her, he only wanted Aaron, always Aaron.

Robert continued to call Aaron’s phone; he had lost track how many times he had called, how many messages he had left, “Aaron, you need to call me back! Listen, I know…I know things are messed up…but you said you forgave me! You said….you said…” Robert stopped, gasping for breath, “You can't just…fuck! Aaron…call me back!”

Robert hung up and threw his phone, watching it ricochet off the wall, leaving a dent and shattering the screen. He knew he had no right to ask anything of Aaron. He was mad at himself for even demanding it from him, now his phone was most likely broken, so even if Aaron did call, he couldn’t.

So Robert screamed. He screamed for his past mistakes, for ever getting involved with the White family in the first place, for hurting Aaron, for getting so close to the perfect life and managing to wreck it all. He screamed till he there was nothing left in him, not even tears.

Robert didn’t know how long he had sat there on the floor just staring. He was brought out of his thoughts by a knock on the door.

Adam was at the door looking pissed as fuck, he didn’t even ask to be invited in; he simply barged in as soon as Robert opened the door.

“What?” Robert started… “Where the hell is Aaron?”

“You don’t get to fucking ask me that!” Adam said as he kept walking, straight to their bedroom.

“He’s staying at yours?” Robert was on Adam's heals, starting to panic, sweat gather under his arms, his head starting to swim.

 _Aaron is leaving me,_ thought Robert.

Adam was grabbing shit out of the wardrobe and throwing it onto the bed. He didn’t even have a case. Robert wasn’t about to help him find one.

“You’re messing up our room, Adam!” Robert said pathetically.

“Really? That’s all you got?” Adam continued, like he wasn’t completely destroying Robert’s world with every piece of clothing he ripped from it's hanger.

Adam continued and started making his way to drawers, looking for socks and boxers. Robert wanted to kill him; he refrained, barely.

“Those are fucking mine!” Screamed Robert.

“Then stop being a fucking prick and help me!” Adam screamed back.

Robert took a deep breath and looked at Adam for a minute, Aaron’s oldest friend. A friend who has been there for him through so much, who loved him and hated to see him hurt.

Robert tried to swallow the lump in his throat and made his way over to the chest of drawers and started taking out some of Aaron’s things. He even grabbed the case for Adam and told him which things to grab in the bathroom, but wouldn’t let him take his bubble bath; Robert was keeping that.

“Just answer me one thing…is he okay?” Robert whispered as Adam was making his way to the door.

Adam sighed, “Look Robert, we all make mistakes, but I’m the best friend, I have to hate you now; you hurt him."

Adam stared a Robert, like he was trying to decide if he should continue, "He is not okay. You got another woman pregnant. Pregnant. And, yeah, I can sympathize; can’t take the moral high ground here, but while he was in prison being tortured, you got your ex pregnant and she’s keeping it. He’s going to need some time to wrap his head around that.”

Robert knew that it was too good to be true, that while Aaron was the most forgiving person he has ever met, there was a limit to his forgiveness. There was only so much Aaron could forgive. “But how…how can I walk around the village, and see him? Not touch him, talk to him? I don’t think I can cope. How can I live in our new flat without him, Adam?” Robert was almost pleading now. He was aware he was showing his vulnerable side to Adam of all people, but right now, Adam was as close to Aaron as he was going to get.

“I don’t know, mate. It’s life. You fuck up, and you deal with the consequences. And I know Aaron, once he’s had time to wrap his head around it; he usually comes around. You two have been through so much. Give it time.”

Once Adam left Robert decided to take a shower and get cleaned up. He needed to go into town and get a new phone, in case Aaron wanted to call. As the spray hit Robert, he felt some of the tension leave his body, not much, but some. Robert went to grab his shower gel, stopping and seeing Aaron’s. He bypassed his own and grabbed Aaron’s instead. As he washed himself in Aaron’s scent, he didn’t think it was possible to miss someone more than he did Aaron, and as he continued to shower, he didn’t know if it was water of tears raining down his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron Runs into Robert

Aaron blew out a long breath as he started the engine. It was his third appointment this week with his counselor—two weeks it had been since he’d seen Robert. It wasn’t getting any easier. It was getting harder, the urge to hurt himself was strong some days, which is why he had been seeing his counselor three days a week for the last two weeks.

Aaron hadn’t been into work yet, knowing that he would run into Robert and he couldn’t.

He had to turn off his phone, sending Liv and his mum a quick text telling him he was fine, not to worry, that his phone was broken.

Robert wouldn’t stop ringing him, leaving him messages, and text, that Aaron couldn’t read or listen to because the urge to go back was almost crippling, but it didn’t change anything, it never did, and it never could.

Aaron knew that Robert was sorry, that he fucked up, and Aaron truly did believe Robert was in a bad way, that they both made mistakes, that he could have forgiven Robert and tried moved on, but things were different now. Robert was going to be a dad, have a baby with her, start a family with her. Aaron couldn’t stomach it. He knew Robert would have nothing to do with his kid for Aaron, but how could Aaron ever ask that of Robert? And how could Aaron ever stay and watch, be a step parent to their child, a constant reminder of Robert’s betrayal. It was simple really, he couldn’t.

Aaron made his way back to the farm, contemplating when he was going work up the courage to talk to Robert about the Mill. He didn’t think he could stomach living there; he didn’t want it and he needed to get more of his things. Aaron had sent Adam around to their place a couple more times to collect more clothes and even had him steal their wedding picture from the mantle, which Adam was not please about.

Aaron knew that Adam wanted him to talk with Robert, work things out. Aaron figured Adam had a greater understanding of Robert’s circumstance than most, but the result was always the same, there was still going to be a baby at the end of all this. Robert and Rebecca’s baby, and that niggling feeling in the back of Aaron’s mind…is this who Robert is? Robert has never been faithful to anyone he’s ever been with. Not even him. He was supposed to be different; Aaron believed he was different, and although, he know’s Robert regrets it, he’s sorry, look where believing he was different’t got Aaron…cheated on and his husband’s now having a family with someone else.

Aaron knows Robert's cheating had nothing to do with him being bisexual; Aaron believed him when he tells him how much he hurt him during his time in prison when he did spice and how he wanted to hurt Aaron back. Aaron believed that they both made mistakes. But the mind is a funny thing, it tells you things, makes you question things. And your mind starts to wonder if this just who Robert is... a cheat who can never be faithful to anyone.

They both made mistakes and try and move forward, but Aaron knows his willingness for forgiveness will only go so far, to have to bare seeing Rebecca wear the evidence of Robert’s betrayal like a badge of honor, like she finally succeeded in getting what she wanted, to have to witness the evidence of his betrayal everyday of for the rest of their lives, Aaron know’s he can’t bare it.

“Hey, it’s about time you got home!” Adam shouted as he made his way into the kitchen. “We are going out tonight!” Adam pointed his finger at Aaron before he could protest. “I don’t want to hear it, mate! I can’t take another night of you moping around here, practically sobbing into your cereal bowel. If you’re not gonna talk to Robert and make up, then shut up, get cleaned up, we’re going out!” Before Aaron could even protest, Adam was shoving him out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Aaron did not want to go out. In fact, the thought of going out and possibly running into Robert made him want to curl into a bawl and cry. Cry for the life they almost had and lost, for all those dreams Aaron had, that Robert lead him to believe possible before destorying it as fast as he promised it. But Aaron knew Adam was getting stir crazy at home, putting up with Aaron and all his drama; he knew that he was pretty miserable to be around, going out for a drink was the least he could do for Adam. Perhaps he could convince him to go into Leeds and avoid the Pub.

 

“Fuck Adam!” Aaron shrugged Adam off, as he made his way upstairs. “If it gets you to shut up, I’ll go!” Aaron paused before adding… “And I don’t fucking cry into my coco pops!”

 

Aaron could hear Adam laughing and he thought he might have heard a, "whatever you say, mate," but couldn’t be sure as he started the shower and getting undressed.

 

“What the hell, Adam? I thought we were headed into Leeds?" Aaron was looking out the window like he was ready to bolt, the Whoolpack in view, sweating and looking around like he was about to encounter a ghost.

 

“Chill, I need to ask Vic something real quick. I won’t be but a minute!”

 

“Adam..” Aaron growled, but before Aaron could deck him, he was out of the car and headed into the pub.

 

Aaron began tapping his hand on his leg, something he did when he was nervous, biting his lip too. He remembered how Robert used to always comment about it; how he liked to bite it when they fucked, sometimes sucking on it hard enough for the blood to rise and small blood bruises to form on his bottom lip.

 

Aaron felt like he couldn’t breathe, the air in the car stifling. He needed to get out of the car. As he exited the car, he pulled in gulps of air, one after the other as he bent over. 

 

“Aaron!…Hey, Aaron…are you, AARON!” Aaron thought he heard someone calling his name, but he wasn’t sure, as he felt his head full of cotton, and the ringing in his ears was making it hard to be sure what he was hearing. Aaron kept trying to pull in each breath, one after another like his counselor said. He felt something touch his shoulder, and he flinched back like he was being burned.

 

“Babe…Please, it’s me..” Aaron’s mind began to lose some it’s fog as he looked up; he could see Robert crouched down beside him, hands up in a surrender position, as if to say, he wasn’t there to harm Aaron, _but he did, he was, he is,_ thought Aaron.

 

“Robert?” Aaron said weakly

 

“Yeah…it’s me. Keep breathing, it’s okay.”

 

Aaron let out sob, “Nothing’s okay…” And Aaron reached for Robert, grabbing him tightly in a hug, like his life depended on it, even though this wasn’t forgiveness, it’s what he needed. Aaron needed to feel Robert, to hug him close, to feel his warm presence, like they were the only two people in the whole damn world, and in that moment they were.

 

Robert hung on just as tightly, his head in Aaron’s neck, breathing in his scent, “God, I miss you," he whispered so softly, Aaron almost didn’t hear it.

 

Aaron wasn’t sure how long they stayed there clinging to each other. When they finally pulled apart, Aaron wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve. “Where the hell is Adam…” Aaron looked around awkwardly, trying to avoid looking at Robert.

 

Robert cleared his throat, “Aaron…I,” he began.

 

“Hey!” bellowed Adam as he made his way over, “sorry I took so long, Vic was doing my head in. “We can go now, I could use a pint!" Adam stopped short of opening the car door.

 

“Shit…what did I miss?”

 

Robert looked at Adam briefly, but quickly looked back at Aaron, hardly daring to look anywhere else. Robert felt like if he didn’t keep looking at Aaron, he would vanish. Robert had kept trying to get ahold of Aaron for almost two weeks, till his phone no longer rang after four days and went straight to voicemail the last week and a half. He’d still call just to hear his voice when the loneliness became too much and he’d listen to it over and over again as he fell asleep to it on the sofa.

 

“Nothing…you” Aaron cleared his throat, trying to get the thickness from it, “you didn’t miss anything…” Aaron looked at Adam, “you ready to go?” Aaron was trying to avoid looking at Robert, anywhere but Robert, and Robert wanted to scream at him, _look at me, touch me, let me see you eyes, let me see you._

 

Adam didn’t look convinced; he looked between Aaron and Robert, trying to decide what to do next.

 

“Wait…Aaron, are you sure you’re okay? I mean…can…can we go somewhere to talk?” Robert pleaded.

 

Aaron didn’t answer; he just looked at Adam, mentally asking him to help him out. “We’re heading into town, gonna grab a drink...”

 

“You’re at a pub…” Robert was still looking at Aaron, while Aaron was looking at Adam, still trying to avoid looking at Robert. “You sure that’s a good idea?” He asked.

 

“He’s fine! He needs to get out some, get a drink, chat up some blokes, instead of moping at home all the time!" Adam said.

 

“Fuck off, Adam.” Aaron was shooting daggers at Adam, contemplating walking around the car and punching Adam and his big mouth.

 

“Oh...” Robert said quietly.

 

Aaron almost didn’t hear him. He turned back around and met Robert’s eyes once more, trying to make out what he saw in them. Hurt? Jealousy? 

 

Robert reached for Aaron's hip, gripping it, “Aaron, please…don’t.”

 

Aaron almost crumbled right then and there. The intimate gesture familiar, reminding Aaron how much he missed it. “It’s just a drink, Robert, and I can do whatever the fuck I want!” Aaron pulled away, seating himself back in the car.

“Go!” He told Adam, not looking back at Robert as they drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

Robert was wearing a hole into the floor with his pacing. He knew calling Aaron’s phone was worthless; he didn’t have it on, and even if he did, he knew he wouldn't answer it.

“Aaron, listen…I know you’re hurt…angry…confused. Fuck…I know you want to hurt me and lash out, but don’t do anything stupid...” Robert heaved and leaned over the kitchen table, phone still in his hand.

Robert knew he was being the biggest hypocrite ever.He didn’t give a shit. This was Aaron, when it came to Aaron, Robert didn’t follow the rulebook, everything was different; he was different. It didn’t matter that he cheated, and technically Aaron had left him, he still didn’t want Aaron fucking around with anyone else. The thought made him physically ill, violent, helpless.

He began tapping his thigh over and over, stopping suddenly. It was something Aaron would do when he was agitated or scared. Robert seemed to have picked the habit up from him. Robert closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

Robert decided to make another call.

The phone rang three times before she picked up,“Vic I need to talk to you!” Robert said in a rush.

“Oh, now you wanna talk to me? You’ve been ignoring my calls, text, and visits for two weeks, Rob!” Victoria screeched.

“I know…but it’s important.. I,” he began.

“Is it the baby? Is Rebecca gonna let you see it?” She interrupted. Robert, already exasperated with is sister and he hadn’t even been on the phone with her two minutes wanted to hang up already, but this was about Aaron; he needed to figure out where the hell Aaron is.

“Vic, we’ve been through this…I’m not doing this again with you!”

“Rob..”

“No! Listen, I know you want a baby so bad that you’ve completely disregarded the fact I cheated on my husband while he was in prison, offered to let Rebecca move in with you! What the hell, Vic!" Robert continued after a short pause, "even though Aaron is supposed to be your friend and I’m your brother! How do you think that would make us feel! You’re so blinded by your need for a child, you don’t take into account anyone else’s feelings. You wouldn’t even forgive Adam for kissing someone else! I’m not talking about this anymore with you. If I decide to have anything to do with this baby, it will be my decision and none of your business!” Robert was winded by the end of his speech. He had been holding it in for so long, tired of Vic’s shit and her blinders when it came to this baby.

“I’m sorry…I guess I didn’t think about it that way. I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. I would give anything to be a parent, Rob.”

Robert heard the shake in Vic’s voice, and wave of sympathy hit him; he knew how much she wanted to be a mum. He felt bad now, but not enough to apologies because everything he said was true.

“I know Vic, I know…And you will be some day,” he said instead.

The silence lasted for a few seconds before Robert got to the point of his phone call, “Listen, the reason I called…I need to know where Adam might have taken Aaron. They went out for a drink, but not to the pub. Do…” Robert cleared his throat, “do you have any idea where they might have gone?” Robert began tapping his leg again.

“Right, well there’s the gay bar in Leeds, but I can’t imagine that he would take Aaron there so soon after you guys…” Vic paused, “Well, maybe I can see Adam doing that to try and get Aaron’s mind off things; he’s kind of an idiot, but his heart’s in the right place."

Robert stood again, tapping wasn’t helping his nerves anymore, so he started pacing craters into the floor this time.

“Anywhere else you can think of?”

“Not really, I mean there are a couple of dive bars…”

“Names?” Robert interrupted.

“Rob what is this about? I’m sure Aaron doesn’t want you there…and the only thing you’re going to be doing is asking for trouble!” Vic’s voice was doing that raised whinny thing she does where she prolongs her vowels. Robert knew it was time to end this conversation.

“Names, Vic!”

“Right! Jeez!”

“Well, there’s Bar West, the Gay club, Cross Keys, and the Cubby Bear, I think…but Rob…Don’t do anything stupid, echoing Robert’s words he had said to him earlier in his voicemail.” Robert wrote down the names of the bars and said a quick goodbye before hanging up.

 

  
———----------  
“Adam…I’m not up for it. I’m sorry.” Aaron was staring out the window, looking sad an dejected. His encounter with Robert taking all his energy.

“It’s alight, Mate. We don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. We can just go home if you’d like. Whatever you like.” Adam went to turn and go back to the farm, but Aaron stopped him.

“No…I don’t want to go back. I’m sorry I’m being so pathetic. I wanted to get out, and you’ve been putting up with my shit for two weeks. Fuck…I’m sorry!”

“No worries...It’s not like you haven’t done more than enough for me. I mean, you’re my best Mate, whatever you need. You don’t wanna go home, let’s get some chips!"

Adam drove off in the direction of the nearest chip stand. And that’s what they did, instead of drinking at a bar, they ate chips on a bench at the park. Aaron knew Adam wasn’t the most sentimental bloke, and could be downright stupid at times, but he was there when it mattered most. Even if it was to sit on a park bench eating chips, not saying a word because Aaron missed his husband so much.

There simply weren’t words sometimes, and maybe Adam needed this too. He missed his wife and was sad about that. They were both mourning the loss of a Sugden.

 

 

————--------

Robert was on his fifth shot of whisky and Charity was threatening to cut him off. _What the hell, he was a paying costumer_ , he thought. He supposed he lost some of his privileges now that he no longer lived in the back room, and for what he did to Aaron, but money should still count for something.

“Give me another!” Robert said as he banged the glass on the table.

“You’ve had enough, Casanova.” Charity said sarcastically.

“What thefuck is that postamean? Robert slurred.

“Nothing, it was only a joke! Calm down!” Charity had her hands up, like she was warding off evil. Perhaps she was because Robert felt like he could tear into just about anyone, and the fact Charity wasn’t serving him anymore alcohol made her a perfect target.

Robert had checked all the bars Vic had given him and then a couple more within driving distance. Aaron wasn't there.They probably ended up going to a bar further North. Or worse, each went home with someone. Robert couldn't stop the thought of Aaron going home with someone, which is why he was drunk, trying to make the thoughts go away…Robert’s thoughts we interrupted by Charity's, “Oh shit.”

Robert looked up and to his left and found Rebecca White standing there wearing a ridiculous hat that had Robert laughing hysterically into his empty shot glass.

“What is so funny?” Rebecca chirped.

“Oh, just trying to figure out what the hell is on your head….Charity! Give me another fucking Whiskey!” Robert yelled.

Rebecca turned bright red with embarrassment. “I don’t think you should be commenting on fashion sense Mr. Elbow Patches, and I think the last thing you need is more Whiskey.”

Robert huffed out a breath, “Why you planning on taking advantage of a drunk, married man again?”

“You fuc..”

“Well, I’ve got news for you, you can keep playing the victim card all you want Princess, but we both know what really happened that night, and you were just as much to blame as me. You got just what you wanted, now you're prancing around the village like a snake that got her pray. Just do me a favor…fuck off outta our lives!” Robert was seething, his anger making him more sober.

Rebecca was at a loss for words. Robert was waiting for her to either burst out in tears or play her next victim card, perhaps both at once.

“Ours? Where’s this ours you speak of? I don’t see Aaron anywhere. Last I heard, he left you. If he was smart, he’d move on and find someone better…”

Robert was up out of his seat before Rebecca could finish. “Shut up!” He screamed, having to grab the bar for support. He was drunker than he realized. “You don’t get to talk about Aaron!”

Rebecca took a step back, grabbing her stomach… _Typical_ thought Robert. _She spills her verbal vomit, and plays the victim card once more,_ and Robert couldn’t understand what he ever found attractive about her. Now she was carrying his child, she was going to use this child against him to play the puppet and that made this whole situation even worse.

“Touched a nerve, eh? Only okay for you to fuck someone else, not Aaron though, eh?”

Robert couldn’t stay there any longer; kicking the chair over as he made his way out of the pub.

As he made his way outside, he tried to find his keys, but for some reason he couldn’t find them. “God dammit!”

Robert finally gave up and decided to walk. He wasn’t sure how well he was walking, but after some time one step turned into another and it became easier. He walked and he walked. He wasn’t sure how long he walked, but it must have been awhile, the bottoms of his feet were sore, and Robert was pretty sure he had blisters forming.

Next thing Robert knew, he was banging on the front door of somewhere he hasn’t been in a long time, somewhere he swore he wouldn’t go.


	4. Chapter 4

“Wha…” Aaron was startled awake by a banging noise. He couldn’t be sure if it was part of his dreams or he was actually hearing a banging noise.

As Aaron rose from the sofa he was sleeping on he tripped, falling on his hands and knees to the floor, “shit” he whispered.

“Aaron!”

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

“I’m…there….not…leaving!”

 _What the hell_ , Aaron thought.

“Robert?” Aaron slowly stood, trying to collect his thoughts, trying to figure out what was going on, why Robert was banging on outside Moira’s front door.

Aaron was about to rush into the kitchen where the front door was when Moira came down the stairs, Adam behind her.

Moira looked tired, in her robe, tightening it around her body, “I think your man needs reminding about what time it is!”

“I know. I’m sorry Moria. He must be drunk.” Aaron rubbed his eyes and forehead in frustration.

BANG! Aaron jumped.

“Aaron!”

Bang!

Crash!

It sounded like Robert had given up trying to hit the door with his hands and was now either kicking the door or running into it with his body. Aaron knew he needed to get out there and stop him before hurt himself or broke Moira’s door.

“Bloody hell, Aaron, he’s gonna break the door!” Adam stepped forward, in what Aaron assumed was to confront Robert in a not so friendly manner, but Moira and Aaron stopped him.

“I got this,” Aaron said, hand on Adam’s shoulder, stopping Adam from going any farther.

Aaron didn’t want anyone to see Robert like this, and he didn’t want Robert getting hurt.

 _Fucking Robert_ , he thought as he made he way to the door.

“If you’ve got someone in there with you…I’ll, I’ll…fuck! I’ll…” Robert rested his forehead on the door in defeat. He was exhausted, mentally and physically. He missed Aaron so much. He wanted his husband to comfort him and be there for him, yet he had lost that right. He was scared of what he would find on the other side of the door, rejection most likely whether it be from Aaron with someone else or telling him to get lost.

There were days he cursed the day he met Aaron Dingle, wished he never laid eyes on his beautiful husband, didn’t feel that rush of attraction that was so consuming he couldn't think of anything else. Then once he got to know him, once he fell in love with him, truly love him, like he never loved anyone before, there was no going back. Robert was and never would be the same again. His life would forever be dictated and changed by his love for one man. He would want to change and be a better man for him, do things he never thought he would ever do for him, build a life with him, one in which he couldn’t seem to function living without, as evidence of the fact when Aaron was in prison he fucked up, and now that Aaron has left him, he can’t seem to cope without him.

Robert decided to sit on the ground, back to the door, contemplating taking his shoes off when the door opened, causing him to fall backwards. “What the fuuuck…ugh” Robert groaned as he landed on his back, looking up at his very annoyed husband from the ground.

“What the hell are you doing Robert?” Aaron didn’t bother trying to help Robert up. It was clear he was wasted.

Robert rolled over and attempted to gracefully rise to his feet.

 _He’s like a drunken giraffe_ , Aaron thought.

“Aaron! I…I, well,” Robert was rambling, looking behind Aaron like he was trying to find someone and holding the doorframe for support. “How was your night…did you have fun with Adam?”

Aaron just stared at Robert in disbelief before adding, “you came all the way over here…drunk…” Aaron looked behind Robert, “Did you walk, Robert?” Aaron said, voice rising, making Robert wince.

Robert leaned on the door, his legs and feet killing him. “Maybe…but you didn’t answer my question. Did you have a good time tonight? Were’d you go?”

Aaron was wearing boxers, they were actually Robert’s and a plain white T-shirt, Robert checked him out before stepping forward to get closer to Aaron, ignoring the pain in his feet and legs.

It didn’t escape Aaron’s attention that Robert was checking him out, most likely noticing he was wearing his boxers. “It’s none of your business,” he said defiantly.

Robert stared at Aaron, hating his anger, and missing his stubbornness that made Aaron, Aaron.

Aaron felt the heat of Robert’s gaze.

Robert looked down at Aaron’s hand, “That ring on your finger says otherwise.”

“Funny that…coming from you of all people.” Aaron shot back angrily.

Robert nodded and sighed, “I deserved that.”

“Look Robert, it’s late and Moira and Adam are not pleased so you mind telling me how you got here?” Aaron was annoyed, annoyed that they were in this situation to begin with. He didn’t want to be in Moria and Adam’s home. He wanted to be at home with Robert, in bed with Robert. He didn’t want to be having this conversation with a drunken Robert, he wanted none of this.

“I walked.” Robert said.

“You walked? From where?”

“The pub.”

Aaron couldn’t believe this. Robert had walked from the pub, drunk in the middle of the night. “What the fuck Robert! You walked all the way form the pub in the middle of the night drunk! Are you mad?”

“I’m surprised you care.” Robert shrugged.

“Of course I care, you idiot! Just because we’re not together anymore doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you!” Aaron’s voice was cracking, he was trying to keep it down for fear of being heard by Adam and Moira.

Robert shook his head sadly, “What we have, it won’t ever go away Aaron. You know that, right?”

“What if I want it to?” Aaron sniffed, trying to hold back his tears and failing miserably.

Robert’s heart continued to break and he stepped forward to hold Aaron, but he stepped backwards out of reach.

“Why were you drinking at the pub? Why would you walk all the way here in the middle of the night drunk?” Aaron asked trying to change the subject.

Aaron had made his way into the kitchen at this point, leaning against the kitchen counter, while Robert was now sitting on the kitchen chair, removing his shoes. He couldn’t take another minute with his shoes on. If Aaron had issues with it, he didn’t voice them.

“When Adam told me you guys were going out to chat up some blokes I got crazy jealous.“ Robert heard Aaron huff, arms crossed, with a look on his face that pretty much confirmed what Robert already knew, he was a huge fucking hypocrite.

“I called Vic to see where you guys might have went, went looking for you, couldn’t find you, so I drank, then drank so more, then ran into Rebecca which didn’t go well, left more pissed off, couldn't find my keys, and just had to find you and make sure you weren’t getting freaky with some bloke otherwise I felt like I was going to crawl out of my fucking skin, okay! Jesus! ”

Robert had just finished his sentence and Aaron was leaning over him, arms on either side of his chair, face so close to his he could feel his breath on his lips, “How do you think I feel? Only now I get to witness your betrayal everyday for the rest of our lives…every time I see her, I see your child, I get to think about it Robert. How the fuck do you think I feel?”

Robert was up out of his seat, pushing into Aaron’s personal space, nose and nose. “You said you forgave me! You said we both made mistakes! I admitted I made a horrible mistake Aaron! I keep telling you how sorry I am, how I hardly remember that night, how I had to be so drunk to even touch her, how I’m human, how I didn’t know Rebecca was going to keep the baby. I don't know what else to do! Tell me!” Robert was breathing heavy, not letting up, when Aaron tried to turn away he stepped closer to Aaron, till his back hit the counter and Robert’s hands were on either side of Aaron, mimicking Aaron’s stance with him moments before, “No, Aaron please…don’t you get it. I will do anything…anything for you. I didn’t know who I was before you. I was scared to be who I was, I built a life with you, a life I never thought was possible! Don’t you get it?” Robert was leaning his forehead on Aaron’s, both breathing in the same air. They weren’t touching each other anywhere else, just foreheads. “You’re everything.”

Then Aaron kissed him, he kissed him because he needed to in that moment. Even though Robert was drunk, and they were in Moria’s house, in the middle of the night, with a million reasons not to, right now Aaron needed to kiss his husband.

Robert clung to Aaron, parting his lips, letting Aaron lead the kiss briefly at first before kissing back with just as much desperation and love he could muster.

Robert’s hands moved from the counter to Aaron’s face, holding him as he devoured his lips.

Aaron grabbed Robert’s shoulders, arms, back, face, anywhere he could get his hands on. He missed Robert so much, the desperation and love making it impossible for him to think clearly. Aaron’s hands found there way into Robert’s already untucked shirt, feeling the heated skin there, “Mmm…fuck, Aaron, I love you…I missed you so much” Robert said into Aaron’s mouth.

Robert pushed further into Aaron, his thigh making its way in-between his legs. He felt how hard Aaron was, Aaron’s breathing becoming more labored, heard him moan. Robert started kissing his way down Aaron’s jaw when he heard someone clear their throat.

Robert and Aaron abruptly stop their activity, looking to find Moria had caught them getting dirty in her kitchen.

Aaron was mortified.

Robert looked annoyed.

“Boys I think you should either take this activity home or go to bed.” Moria said. She didn’t seem mad. In fact, Aaron and Robert could have sworn they saw her smiling as she walked back to bed.

Aaron and Robert both stood in the the kitchen awkwardly like a couple of school boys who had just been caught behind the bleachers at school.

“Aaron I’m sorry… I didn’t come over here expecting this. I… I, I dunno really” Robert said.

Aaron sighed. ‘No you came over here drunk because you’re a jealous idiot.”

Robert looked at Aaron expecting to find annoyance and anger, but there was none, in fact, he thought he saw fondness.

"The walk over here sobered me up quite a bit to be honest. It was a long, painful walk." Robert chuckled.

“I need more time Robert.” Aaron whispered, looking at his feet.

Robert didn’t say anything for awhile, just stared at his husband, his husband who had been through so much, who had been hurt by so many people, people who were supposed to love him. Robert didn’t want to keep hurting him, and if time is what he needed, then Robert needed to give it to him.

“Okay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! Thank you so much for reading! Thank you for the kudos and comments; they keep me writing! Also, I'm aware that I have NO IDEA how long of an actual walk it would be from the Pub to the farm! I'm aware that it is probably VERY unrealistic, but for story purposes, Robert must not drink and drive! LOL! 
> 
> Also, sorry for awkward sentence structure, grammar errors, spelling mistakes! I have no beta! Thanks again <3


	5. Chapter 5

Robert knew he needed to go into work. He needed to sort the books out, and with Aaron still gone, and Nicola hammering his head, he couldn’t put it off much longer.

With a sigh he stretched out on the sofa, wishing he had purchased a bigger one, but Robert hadn’t planned on spending weeks sleeping on it.

Robert got up and made his way to the shower when he heard a knock on the door.

A month ago Robert might have cared about answering the door in sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair in disarray, but now he couldn't seem to muster up the energy to care. It wasn’t like he was trying to impress anyone anyway.

Robert answered the door, shocked by the person standing on the other side of it. “Chrissie?”

“Robert.” Chrissie stood outside The Mill, looking uncomfortable and out of place, wishing she was anywhere else but here, but she needed to talk to Robert. Didn’t have a choice.

“What…what the hell do you want?” Robert said cooly. He really wasn't in the mood for Chrissie’s shit. He knew whatever her reason for being at his home was not going to be good, and he knew he needed to brace himself for impact.

“I see you haven’t lost your charm.” She clicked her tongue, and looked away briefly, “I need to talk to you about Rebecca.”

“Of course you do.” Robert opened the door wider, his subtle way of inviting her in.

Chrissie made her way into the flat, taking it all in. She had no doubt the decor was Robert’s doing; he always did have expensive, eloquent taste. She doubted Aaron cared much for spiral staircases, expensive paintings, and fruit bowls. Robert always had a thing for fruit, Chrissie remembered.

“Have a seat.” Robert indicated towards the kitchen table. He made his way over to the kettle. Even if he didn’t like Chrissie much, he was British, tea was mandatory.

“Still take two sugars?” Robert asked.

“Yes…but Robert, I need to talk to you about Rebecca.”

Robert stopped making tea and turned, “And I need something stronger than tea,” he said making his way to the liquor cabinet.

“I think Rebecca’s lying about being pregnant…” Chrissie said in a rush, finally relieved to say the words out loud to someone else.

Robert took a shot of his drink, contemplating, pouring another but decided against it. “What makes you say that?”

“First she tells me it’s too early to get a scan and get an abortion at the clinic, which that alone doesn’t make any sense! Then she has stress pains and goes to hospital where she tells me they want to keep her overnight, but she doesn’t stay and she leaves that night, no bags, nothing. And to top everything off Robert, this is all coming from her, I have yet to see any sort of scan of the baby, saying her due date, never actually talked to her doctor when she went to hospital, and then after a miscarriage scare where she’s suppose to stay overnight she leaves on a plane? It doesn’t make any sense!” Chrissie was becoming agitated, frustrated, and emotional. “And she’s not even showing!”

Chrissie looked up at Robert, “And let’s not forget she slept with you once Robert and slept with Ross multiple times, yet she's adamant this baby is yours. And when I bring up doing DNA testing after the baby is born she gets all defensive and claims there’s no need, that she knows for fact it’s yours! It’s all too suspicious!”

Robert stood there taking in her words. Rubbing his forehead he asked, “why would she lie and keep up this act?”

Chrissie put her hands on the table, folding them in front of her. “I dunno…a number of reasons I suppose. The obvious reason being, she’s in love with you. Maybe she thought being pregnant you’d pick her, or being pregnant would break you and Aaron up and you would have to choose her. Or it could be the attention. She’s always been like that, you know, starving to be loved and adored. Faking a pregnancy to get people to keep noticing her, I wouldn’t put it past her.”

Robert stood there, not sure what to feel. He knew Rebecca was in love with him, in fact he used that knowledge to his advantage more times than he could count, which he is not proud of. He also knew one of the things he used to like about Rebecca was that she was very similar to him and back when they were together and that had a certain appeal. Now that Robert had changed, that didn’t do it for him anymore.

Aaron had changed Robert for the better, gotten him to accept who he is, be proud of who is. Robert was never going to be as kind hearted and forgiving as Aaron, but Aaron made Robert a better person, brought out his best qualities, whereas, someone like Rebecca brought out the worse in someone like Robert.

Robert thought maybe he wasn’t supposed to feel relief at the thought of Rebecca lying and scheming about being pregnant, but Robert knew all about lying and scheming and he would enjoy watching her lies unravel. He also felt relief, relief if it is true. He hoped it was; he hoped with every fiber of his being that she was lying about being pregnant.

————

Aaron knew that he needed to figure out his next step. He knew that he needed to go back to work, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it. Instead he decided to turn on his old phone. When it lit up, message after message popped up on his phone, along with a number of voicemails. Most of them were from Robert.

Aaron saw he had 46 voicemails and 178 text. Aaron took a deep breath, deciding to go through the text first, not sure if he was ready to listen to Robert’s voice messages yet.

Robert: _Aaron please…call me back. I need to talk to you. I need to hear your voice. I miss your voice._

Robert: _You can’t just ignore me forever! AARON!_

Robert _: I miss you_

Robert: _I can’t sleep in our bed…I can’t sleep when you're not here. It’s worse than when you were in prison because I know you’re reachable now. I know I can drive to where you are. You’re reachable but so far away Aaron._

Aaron swallowed, the lump in his throat getting bigger by the second. He continued to scroll through Robert’s text, many of them similar, until he got to the few that Robert sent the night he walked to Moira’s and Adam’s.

Robert: _Aaron please don’t do anything stupid ok! I know I have no room to talk…but please just, we’re still married, just…please._

Robert: _yur suchan arsehole younkow that! fuk you!_

Robert: i _bet yur fukingn some bloke right now! trying to pay me back rite make me jelouse ITS WORKING_

Robert- _knowone can give you what i can! fuck them and whoever the fuck they ar!_

Robert: _Aaron imsorry i love you please don’t. please fuckk_

  
Looking at Robert’s text and his spelling, he must have been pretty wasted when he sent them. Based on the time, this was hours before he showed up at the farm.

Aaron decided to listen to his first voicemail, the night Aaron left.

_Aaron! I know you don’t want to talk right now….but please…I, I…nothing’s changed, nothing has to change. You said, you forgave me… remember? You can still forgive me and love me Aaron…we can still go back to that, just come home. Please just come home. Aaron…I love you_

Beep

Aaron was freely crying now, tears falling down his face, remembering that night and how it killed him to leave and stay at Adam’s, knowing he wouldn’t be coming back.

Aaron wiped his eyes, putting his phone on the night stand when he saw the photo of him, Robert, and Liv as his background. The pain in his chest was so severe, he found it hard to breathe. Aaron was reminded of the family he was supposed to have, living in his new flat.

———————-

Aaron made his way to scrapyard determined to not go running the minute he saw Robert. He was hoping he wasn’t in. He knew that Robert didn’t come in on Thursdays; he tended to leave those days open for meetings.

Aaron was making his way to porta cabin when he ran into the only other person that was worse than running into Robert, Rebecca Fucking White.

  
“What the hell are you doing here?” Aaron didn’t care about pleasantries. This was still his and Robert’s place of work, and she had some nerve showing up here.

Rebecca cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable. “I’m looking for Robert.”

Aaron looked at her for a long moment, simply stared at her, didn’t say a word. He thought seriously of flinging obscenities her way and telling her to get stuffed, but she wasn't worth the effort. Instead, he turned and walked away, leaving her dumbfounded .

“Is he here?” She asked, following behind him.

Aaron didn’t answer. He walked into the porta cabin, barely managing not to shut the door in her face. 

Rebecca sat down across from Aaron, the painful awkwardness like an elephant in the room.

“I don’t know where Robert is or when he will be in so…” Aaron wasn't sure why she didn’t just call Robert or go over to The Mill.

“It’s okay, I’ll wait, if you don’t mind.”

“Actually I do.” Aaron didn’t have time for her shit. Last thing he wanted to do was wait with Rebecca for Robert to show up. Aaron couldn’t believe how insensitive she was being, but she did sleep with his drunk husband, so Aaron wouldn’t put anything past her.

Rebecca didn’t seem to care about Aaron’s discomfort or feelings as she continued, “So, you and Robert are still separated?”

“How is that any of your business?” Aaron didn’t want to be having this conversation with Rebecca White of all people and was about to leave before she continued talking. 

“I just think it’s good that you wised up and saw him for what he truly is. No one will ever be special enough for him…” Rebecca was looking down at her lap.

Aaron noticed she had on layers of clothing, and he couldn't see any sort of bump. She would only be about 3 months, but she should start showing by now. Aaron continued to play Rebecca’s words over in his head, they were similar to the words she spoke to him the night he went to Home Farm telling her to stay away from Robert.

If she thought it wise for Aaron to stay away from Robert, why wasn’t she doing the same. Why was she here? An odd sort of feeling continued to creep over Aaron, the same one he got the day at Home Farm, and before he could contemplate further, someone had come through the door.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Robert said before he even made it through the door. He was glaring daggers into Rebecca. Startled, she grabbed her stomach.

Robert rolled his eyes, not falling for her games.

“I’m going to ask you one more time, what the hell are you doing here?”

Rebecca stood, “I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer my calls!”

“Well, maybe that was your answer then. I don’t want to talk to you, see you, or have anything to do with you! Why would you think it would be okay for you to show up at my work, where Aaron works!”

Rebecca was clearly becoming annoyed.

“I wanted to know if you wanted to be a part of your child’s life, Robert! I was trying to give you a chance!" She started making her way to the door.

Robert looked at Aaron who had been silent this whole time. Aaron watched the two of them, almost as if he was watching his future unfold before his very eyes.

 _Is this what having Rebecca as the mother of Robert’s child always going to be like_ , thought Aaron, like some Jeremy Kyle episode. He didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or go running a mile.

Robert didn’t like the look on Aaron’s face, like he was thinking of doing a runner. Last time they talked Aaron had told him he needed time. It had given Robert hope. Aaron didn't tell Robert it was going to be forever, only that he needed time.

“Well, that’s an interesting offer an all Rebecca, but considering the fact you’re lying about being pregnant, that’s going to be a little hard!” Robert said, sarcasm in full force.

Rebecca stood there a moment, “wha…what, what?”

Aaron turned to look between Robert and Rebecca, “Wait…what?”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! This is a short chapter, but I wanted to get something up, and I've been super busy this past week! Next chapter will be much longer! <3 xx

“Aaron wait! Just…Just wait! Please…will you stop a minute!” Robert was chasing after Aaron, right on his heels. 

“Do one, Robert!” Aaron said, still walking, not looking back.

Rebecca had left in hysterics, denying Robert’s accusations vehemently. Robert had asked her why she wasn’t showing, where her scans were, at which point she screamed at him that _she didn’t owe him a damn thing and stormed off._

Rebecca made Robert's suspicions rise with her behavior; he knew she was lying. What he didn't know was how she thought she was going to get away with it. Robert couldn't wrap his head around how she thought he was going to be apart of a non-exisitant a baby's life if there was no baby.

A part of him wanted to get to the bottom of this, wanted to see what she had planned, dig deeper, while the other part didn't want to bother with her anymore than he had to. He knew she was lying, and if he could keep her away from himself and Aaron maybe that would be good enough, but Rebecca was kind of like a bad rash that just kept coming back. It felt like Robert was never going to be rid of her. 

Aaron could see the realization dawn on Rebecca when Robert confronted her about not being pregnant, like she had been caught red handed, and became like a caged animal. He had known from the beginning that things didn't feel right with her, but Aaron didn't think she would fabricate an entire fake pregnancy. 

After Rebecca stormed off and left, Aaron began to feel like a caged animal too, almost as if being in the same room as Robert was becoming too suffocating and he needed to leave.

This whole situation becoming too much for Aaron, draining his nerves and energy once again. 

Robert grabbed Aaron’s arm and turned him around, “Aaron…”

“I thought I told you I needed time!” Aaron screamed, yanking his arm away.

Robert put his hands in his pocket, so that he wasn't temped to touch Aaron again, clear that he didn’t want to be touched. “I know, and I was, but with Rebecca here…and now that you know she’s not pregnant…it changes things…right?” Robert had that look on his face, that look that was both vulnerable and hopeful all at the same time.

Aaron stood there, exasperated, not sure what to think. He didn’t know anything anymore. “Robert…we don’t know for sure if Rebecca isn’t pregnant! I’ll admit, it doesn’t add up, but that doesn’t mean she’s not pregnant!” Aaron sighed, “What do you want from me? I just came here to get some work done, Robert, and Rebecca shows up and all this happens! I just wanted to get some work done…alone!”

Robert turned and walked away, afraid of what he might say and do if he didn't, leaving Aaron confused.

Robert didn’t get far before he turned back around getting a few feet from Aaron, “You think you’re the only one suffering? You think this is easy for me!? I’ve been giving you time, Aaron! Here I am thinking one minute I’m going to have a kid I don’t want then I’m not going to have the kid and…”

Robert kicked the car near by, “Fuck!” he screamed, “then I feel guilty because I’m going to be so fucking happy if she’s lying, Aaron because that means not only is there a better chance of you forgiving me and us being okay, but I’m not ready to be a dad, and I certainly don’t want to be a father to her baby! I’m…I’m struggling and…and normally the person I go to when I struggle is no longer around! So yes, I’m giving you time, but I was really fucking hoping this changed things, Aaron!” Robert had his hands out as if to say, _so sue me!_

So Aaron hugged him because Robert looked and sounded like he needed a hug. Perhaps Aaron did too. They both needed the kind of hug where two souls drew so much comfort from each other, it felt like they would start to heal from the hug alone.

“Please come home,” Robert whispered.

“I can’t.” Aaron said into Robert's neck.

Robert tried to pull away, but Aaron wouldn’t let him. “What if I come over tomorrow and cook dinner and we talk? Let’s take this slow, Robert…”

Robert, at first, felt disappointment when Aaron said no to coming home, but now that Aaron had agreed to come to the Mill and have dinner and talk, it filled Robert with hope. Aaron was agreeing to come to their home. It was a step in the right direction.

“Yeah, okay, but we both know you can’t cook worth a shit! So, I’ll be cooking dinner! ” Robert said, pulling back and kissing Aaron on the head before walking to his car.

   


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long since my last update! Life's been so crazy!!! Anyway...If anyone is still interested, here is chapter 7! Also, ratings for this chapter have went up to explicit because, um, well, you shall see (insert blushing emoji).

Robert was nervous. He was so nervous he had changed his clothes three times and still didn’t feel comfortable with what he was wearing.

He ended up going with a blue button-up and no blazer, thinking it would be too much for a night in watching telly and eating dinner.

Aaron sat in his car, contemplating why he thought this was a good idea in the first place…

If Rebecca wasn’t pregnant, then Aaron knew he had to face the reality of his promises, to truly forgive Robert, and was it possible for him to follow through? 

Aaron stood at the door to their home, a place that once held so much hope and happiness, but now held sadness and fear... fear of the unknown.  

Aaron wasn’t even sure how he should enter his home. He almost felt like he should knock…it didn’t feel like his home anymore.

Just as Aaron was about to knock the door flew open and he stumbled forward into a half naked Robert.

“What the..., Roberr…are..why are you naked!” Aaron stammered incoherently. 

Robert was wearing only a pair of boxers and Aaron was finding it hard to focus, aware that he touching Robert so intimately after so long. 

Robert laughed, pulling Aaron upright, neither one of them letting go of each other.

Robert held onto Aaron’s waist, rubbing circles into the material of his shirt, “Right, I spilled the pasta sauce all over my shirt, trousers, and socks! I even got my boxers wet! I was in the middle of changing and I saw you at the door…”

Aaron started laughing, buried face in Robert's bare neck, “You’re supposed to be the smooth one, dork! Now who’s gonna feed me?”

“I was nervous…” Robert kissed Aaron’s head before stepping back and ending the contact, surprising Aaron.

“Don’t worry, I got it covered, pizza’s set-up for delivery!” Robert said, as he made his way upstairs, Aaron assumed to the bedroom.

Aaron looked around becoming aware that the sofa looked dipped to one side, as if it had been laid on often. Aaron’s eyes darted back upstairs to where their bedroom was, the bedroom that brought nothing but pain, and Aaron was bitter that Robert and Rebecca had spent more time there than him and Robert, and now Robert was most likely not even sleeping in there, in fact he was ruining their expensive sofa.

Aaron’s mood soured considerably after that thought.

“Sorry about dinner I wan—“

“Why are you sleeping on the sofa?” Aaron interrupted Robert as he made his way downstairs, still buttoning up his new shirt, a white shirt with flowers on it.

  
“What?” Robert asked.

“It’s a simply question, Robert. Are you sleeping on the sofa?”

Robert stopped in front of Aaron, a few buttons still undone with his shirt. He didn’t even bother trying to finish them. “Yes.”

“Since I left?” Aaron questioned, confusion in his eyes.

Robert didn’t say anything, his silence answering for him.

“A month? But…why?”

“Really Aaron? You really have to ask me that?"

Aaron didn’t say anything.

Robert couldn’t believe Aaron needed to be told, after everything he had told him when he confessed to sleeping with Rebecca and how he couldn’t sleep in their bed without him, but Aaron has always needed reassurance of his worth because he’s never felt good enough, and Robert knows he’s done nothing to help matters recently.

“Aaron…I can’t sleep without you. Sleeping on the sofa feels less permanent, like it’s just temporary and you’ll be back soon.”

Aaron nodded in understanding.

“There’s also no bed to sleep on up there…” Robert made his way to the sofa as he said this, almost as if he was hoping Aaron wouldn’t catch it.

“Could you repeat that?” Aaron asked, following Robert.

“I got rid of the bed, and I haven’t replaced it…So yeah, there’s no bed to sleep on up there anyway...ya know, with me getting rid of the bed and I'm not gonna sleep on Liv's bed so it’s a moot point!”

Robert wasn’t sure what he was expecting from Aaron when he told him he got rid of their bed, a bed that had been through so much with them but was also the bed that was now tainted...but laughing wasn’t what he was expecting.

Aaron was laughing so hard, he was grabbing at his sides, while holding onto the sofa for support.

“Oh my god, Robert! Did you burn the bed? Did you burn the fucking bed like some cheesy rom-com?!” Aaron was now gasping for air, tears streaming down his face.

“What..no! I chucked it into the dumpster where I’m pretty sure a local dumpster diver took it because it was gone the next day!”

“Oh my god!” Aaron was grabbing at his sides, laughing hysterically, “You mean to tell me there is someone in the village with our used mattress where we’ve done the dirty thousands of times and you had a drunken one night stand with Rebecca White, and it’s now being used by someone and it could be someone we know!"

Aaron paused letting out another fit of laughter before pulling it together long enough to ask, "Robert someone we know could be doing the dirty on our former mattress and we don't even know who! That’s what you’re saying?”

“Yes…” Robert was laughing now too, the absurdity of it hitting him and Aaron’s infectious laughter seeping into his bones. “I admit, it’s a bit weird.”

“Robert, now you don’t even have a bed to sleep on! You’re such an idiot!” Aaron said, wiping the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, humor still in his voice.

“Yes, but no you to sleep beside, so I don’t need a mattress anyway…”

Aaron’s laughter died, bringing back the seriousness of the night once more.

“Are we going to be able to get past this?” Robert asked, looking down at his hands, afraid of the answer, afraid of what life would be like without Aaron in it forever. Right now, he had the hope of Aaron returning, but what if Aaron didn’t? Aaron said he forgave him before he thought Rebecca was pregnant but even after finding out she most likely wasn't, would it be enough? Could he really forgive him?

“When you first told me what happened, I think I was so desperate to forget and move on, I wanted to forgive you so badly, that I really didn’t stop to think what that could mean…Like what that would truly entail.” Aaron made his way over to Robert, sitting next to him.

“Then when I found out Rebecca was pregnant, it was almost like it gave me a way out…ya know?”

Robert didn’t say anything. He almost wanted to correct Aaron, tell him Rebecca was a liar and that she wasn’t pregnant, but he knew now wasn’t the time to remind him of that fact, so he let Aaron continue.

“It gave me a way to take back my forgiveness because I wasn’t ready to forgive you yet…It was too soon. I know that I broke promises too…I know, but Robert…you cheated on me while I was being tortured in prison, all because I hurt your feelings and wasn't coping well in...prison and you were lonely, and your first reaction is to hurt me by getting drunk and sleeping with your ex! The ex that I spent months being jealous over, who you told me I was being paranoid about! I mean, my mistakes compared to yours…they’re not even in the same universe, Robert, and I was in shock!” Aaron was getting upset, voice shaking, tears welling in his eyes.

“I wanted to forgive you because I was desperate for the life we built and I love you…but I quickly realized it wasn’t possible. I was too hurt.”

Robert was crying now, becoming distraught, sure that Aaron was ending it.

Aaron grabbed Robert’s hands, “But over the last month, I’ve had time to come to terms with a few things, yes…you hurt me, and I’m always going to have trust issues with you now Robert, and I’m just not sure when and if that will ever go away. I hope that it will. But, living without you is worse than any pain I’ve felt…even worse than the pain of learning what you did. It’s like a constant pain that just wont stop hurting."

“Aaron…” Robert began.

“Let me finish…I haven’t forgiven you Robert, but I want to try, I want to work at our marriage. I want to try and learn how to trust you again, and I’ll be honest, I might not ever fully get there with you on the trust issue. I might drive you nuts with my paranoia at times, but I will try my hardest not to, and we will need counseling…we will need a fucking shit ton of marriage counseling and individual counseling, Robert. I want to finally live in our new home, I’m tired of missing you so much I can hardly breathe, and I’m tired of fighting it…”

Aaron sighed, looking down at his and Robert's joined hands then looked back up at Robert before adding, “ And if Rebecca was really pregnant, I’m not sure I’d be here Robert, and I need you to know that. If any of what I said changes things for you then let me know now…”

“Does that mean you’re coming home?” Robert asked griping Aaron’s hand tightly.

“I guess it does.”

Before Aaron could finish, Robert was kissing him, hands on both sides of his face, leaning into him till Aaron was laying down on the sofa.

Surprised at first, Aaron quickly caught on, bringing his hands to his waist. Aaron brought his left leg up to wrap around Robert’s waist, while untucking Robert’s shirt from his jeans.

Robert began kissing down Aaron’s jaw, enjoying the feel of his stubble. Robert missed the feeling of it on his lips and face, loving the feel of it giving him stubble burn; it had been too long.

“Rob…Rober..ahhh, Robert!” Aaron panted.

“What about the pizza?”

“Fuck the pizza!” Robert said as he ground his crouch into Aaron, making him gasp.

“Fuck…fuck…fuck” Aaron chanted, trying to unbutton Robert’s shirt, but failing miserable.

Aaron threw his head back in frustration, “sometimes I really hate these fucking shirts of yours, too many buttons!”

Aaron flipped them so that Robert was in the sitting position, Aaron seated on his lap. Aaron grabbed Robert by the hair, devouring his mouth once more.

Robert lifted Aaron’s shirt over his head, feeling his way down his pecs and stomach, all the way to his belt, where he began to unbuckle it, but Aaron needed to feel Robert’s bare skin too, and his shirt was preventing that.

Aaron began undoing the buttons again, just as Robert palmed his dick through his jeans, making Aaron groan, “ahhh, fuck it.” Aaron ripped Robert’s shirt the rest of the way off, exposing his beautiful chest.

“Hey! I love this shirt” Robert cried.

“And I hate it,” Aaron growled just as he leaned down and licked Robert’s nipple,  successfully killing anymore complaints Robert might have had about Aaron ripping his flowered shirt.

“Mmmm, Aaron!” Robert moaned grabbing the back of his head, as he pushed his pelvis up into Aaron.

Robert couldn’t wait anymore; he felt like he was about to combust. Having already undone Aaron’s belt, Robert dips his hand into Aaron’s jeans, releasing his dick, exposing it to the cool air, making Aaron shiver and groan.

Aaron began breathing into his neck, panting and watching Robert palm his dick.

Aaron always loved it when Robert would play with him, he big hands bringing him to orgasm.

Robert takes his left hand and puts it around the back of Aaron’s head and caresses the hair there, bringing his right hand to his mouth, licking it, getting it wet. Aaron watching, pupils blown wide.

Robert brings his right hand back to Aaron’s dick and starts pumping it, just the way Aaron likes, long, fast stokes, stopping ever so often to palm his balls, all the while caressing the back of his head.

Aaron loves it when Robert does this; the moment so intense, he’s not sure where to look so he alternates between looking at Robert and watching Robert’s big hands getting him off. He’s getting so close he can feel it.

Robert can tell Aaron’s getting close, his breathing is becoming more rapid, his dick harder to the point it’s almost rock solid.

Just as Aaron’s about to come Robert kisses him, swallowing his moans like they can breathe life into his very soul.

"ahhhmmmmgod," Aaron moans into Robert's kiss as he explodes all over his hand and Robert's jeans. 

“ohmygodohmygodohmygod” Aaron repeats as he comes down from his orgasm.

Aaron’s about to get off Robert to grab him a tissue, but Robert stops him, keeping him seated on his lap. Aaron looks at Robert as he takes the hand that is covered in Aaron's come and licks the evidence of his orgasm from his hand. 

Aaron knows Robert’s not afraid of a little come, but normally it’s after a blow job. The sight of it turns Aaron on so much, he’s sure he can feel his dick start to stir again. He grabs Robert by the face and starts kissing him, tasting himself on him. The whole thing is obscene and Aaron can't get enough. He kisses him till his taste is no longer there, until all that's left is Robert.

Aaron ends the kiss just as quickly, sinking to the floor in front of Robert. Robert’s breath hitches.

Aaron starts undoing Roberts buckle quickly, yanking his trousers and boxers down in one go.

Robert can't remember a time where he’s ever seen anything hotter than Aaron on his knees in front of him, kissing his thighs, hair curly, free of product, and naked.

Aaron licks Robert from balls to the tip of his dick.

“Stop fucking teasing me, Aaron!” Robert's  gasping, barely able to get the words out, hands on either side of his thighs. 

“Beg me Robert…” Aaron whispers mouth near the top of Robert’s dick, hovering over it.

“Aaron…” Robert says pleading in his voice. They always used to play these games. Keeping each other on edge till they have the other begging for it  

Aaron licks the slit, “Come on Robert…beg.”

Robert grabs Aaron’s hair, “fucking suck it Aaron, please…I’m beginning, okay, suck…please god, just fucking god damn suck—-“

Aaron took in as much of Robert as he could.

“Ahhhh, fuck, yeah…that’s it baby.”

Aaron continues sucking earnestly, rubbing Robert’s nipples with his left hand, while he fondles his balls with his right. “Oh fuck!”

Aaron begins to suck harder; and just as one of his fingers begins to make its way behind his balls, Robert explodes, causing Aaron to pull off and cough.

“Holy shit” Robert said.

“Yeah…” Aaron said, wiping the his mouth with the back of his hand.

Aaron makes his way to the bathroom, coming back moments later with a wet towel for both of them.

Robert was worried, worried that Aaron regretted it.

“You don’t regret it do you?” He asked, taking the towel from him.

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you look so upset?”

“I’m pretty sure the pizza guy just heard us…” Aaron said, completely serious.

Robert smirked, “ Well, they'll fit in nicely with the random person in the village sleeping on our old mattress!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I'm not going to lie, all these spoilers made it so hard for me to get back into writing!!! I was so not motivated! Then... I just couldn't bring myself to get too fluffy... I'm so sorry. I blame the spoilers!!! Also, this story will have a happy ending; the boys will not break up again! They were broken up at the beginning of this fic, so no need to repeat that! Anyway, please check the tags, as I have added tags! I draw inspiration from spoilers!!! There are TW so please, please look at the tags! There is Self Harm mentions and even some detail... it doesn't going into explicit detail, but please be aware and take care of yourselves if these things trigger you! You've been warned lovely readers!!! XX

“I’m here for Aaron…” Robert was rubbing his hands back and forth on his knees, practically rubbing holes into the denim. He was ready to bolt. He didn’t relax back in his seat; he made sure he was perched forward enough in his seat in case he needed to make a quick exit.

Aaron glared at Robert, “Well…he might have come because I practically dragged him here kicking and screaming, but make no mistake doc, he needs to be here just as much as I do!” Aaron said defiantly.

Robert thought of arguing, telling the shrink he didn’t need to be here, not like Aaron. His default setting wanting to come out with a vengeance, aiming to hurt those he cared about most, but wasn’t that why he was here, to help change that?

Robert cleared he throat, “Right…sorry.” He grabbed Aaron’s hand, knowing that the small public display from him would not only surprise Aaron, but would hopefully show Aaron how sorry he was.

Aaron wanted to stay mad at Robert; he wanted this therapy session to be for both of them. He knew couples therapy wasn’t going to be easy for Robert, but if he couldn’t even admit he needed to be here, what hope was there? But Robert always had a way of bringing Aaron back from the edge of doubt, and when Robert tried to pull his hand away, Aaron wouldn’t let him; he clung to his hand tighter, not letting him pull it away.

Dr. K seemed like a nice enough man, asking generic questions, most of them Aaron answered because Robert offered about as much as a rock. He was uncomfortable and with it being his first session with a counselor, Aaron understood, and took the reins.

Things were going okay till that question….that one question that couldn’t be ignored. It was like an elephant in the room, trampling everything in it’s path.

“Why are you each of you here?” Dr. K asked.

Neither Robert nor Aaron seemed to know how to answer that. Why where they there? In couples therapy specifically? Aaron and Robert both knew there were things they needed to work on at an individual level, but why were they there together? 

Robert was silent, so Aaron began…

“I want to be able to trust him again…I—I wa—I want to be able to get honesty back in the relationship, but then I think back, and I’m not sure we ever had that. We started off as an affair…we started off on lies and deceit….” Aaron looked away from Robert, but not before squeezing his hand harder.

“Aar—“ Robert began.

“I’ve been cutting again!” Aaron said in a rush, the words pouring out of him like lava, like he couldn’t keep them in any longer, the words burning him from the inside out. 

“No…” Robert moaned, his voice in agony.

“I’m sor—“

“How long?” Robert asked.

Aaron went to remove his hand but Robert wouldn't let him; he wished they were alone, so he could search Aaron’s body, heal every wound with a kiss and plead with him to stop, ask him why? Of course Robert knew why. He knew it was him, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to make it all better for Aaron, even if he was the one who made it bad in the first place.

“Robert..."

“HOW LONG?!” Robert screamed, tears in his eyes.

“Listen, I think it’s best—“ Dr. K had interjected, clearly seeing things were getting out of hand.

“Butt the fuck out!” Robert seethed, never taking his eyes off Aaron.

“Robert!” Aaron admonished.

Robert didn’t care. He was being very restrained. If he had his way, he’d be out of here, and looking to see where Aaron had hurt his body, and wrapping him in bubble wrap for the foreseeable future. The Dr. got off easy.

“Last night…” Aaron breathed, head bowed forward, not looking at Robert. 

And Robert crumbled.

He broke.

Robert broke down right there in the psychiatrist’s office, in front of a stranger he barely knew, who he just told to fuck off a few minutes early because the thought of Aaron hurting himself was enough to send Robert to his knees and cause him more pain than he’s ever experienced.

Aaron was shocked at first, but quickly reached for Robered, hugging him tight. “Shhh, Robert…it’s okay. It’s okay” Aaron soothed.

Aaron wasn’t sure how long he sat there holding Robert, but it must have been awhile.

“Okay…we're out of time for today. Listen…Aaron you’re going to need to see your regular counselor tomorrow, and Robert, I’d like to set you up with a weekly counselor as well, if that’s okay? Believe it or not, today was good. And I’ll see you back next week?” Dr. K was looking between Aaron and Robert for confirmation, neither one objecting to his suggestions.

Robert nodded, taking the piece of paper Dr. K handed him before giving Aaron one last looking before going to the door, Aaron following behind.

“Aaron,” Dr. K said before Aaron made it out of the door. Aaron turned around, looking into the doc's eyes. 

“I already know the drill,” he said, turning back around, not looking back as he went.

——  
Aaron and Robert didn’t say anything to each other the whole way home from their counseling appointment; wether it was because they were both exhausted from the day’s events, or scared of what more was to be revealed or the reality of their situation and feared one more move would shatter their world completely... the final straw…

Aaron made his way into the bathroom, and he noticed Robert wasn’t far behind. He sensed Robert was following his every move.

“You don’t need to follow me, Robert.”

“You sure about that?” Robert said, leaning into the doorframe of their en-suite.

Aaron grabbed the toothpaste, deciding it was better to start brushing his teeth then to engage in a verbal sparing with Robert.

“Is that why you slept in your shirt last night, lying that you were cold? It’s on your stomach, isn’t it?”

Aaron didn’t comment; he continued brushing his teeth.

Once Aaron was done, he went to step passed Robert in the doorway, but Robert wouldn’t let him past. “Robert…please.”

“Aaron…” Robert’s voice was shaky, clearly still shaken up from their couples therapy and the situation he now found himself in.

Robert went to put his hands at the bottom of Aaron’s shirt, on reflex, Aaron grabbed his hands, halting Robert’s actions.Robert waited.

Once Aaron lifted his hands from Robert’s, Robert slowly lifted Aaron’s shirt off, revealing his chest, which was now covered in fresh new cuts. “Fuck…Aaron, Jesus..” Robert’s breaths were coming out choppy, “Baby…”

Aaron held his breath.

Robert counted, there were four…four new cuts, two that were pretty deep. He had to have been doing this for longer than just yesterday. Robert’s heart continued to break. Robert realized whoever said a heart breaks in two is a lair… it doesn’t. It breaks two, three, four, as many times as it takes for a parson to feel raw, exposed, like they’re on the brink of such a soul crushing despair they're not sure how they can ever recover.

“How long?”

“About two days after I moved out of here, on and off…I’d stop for awhile then go back…then stop for while then go back. I mean…we just got back together then everything got very stressful…I hadn’t done it for almost two weeks…till last night.”

“We’re gonna get you help Aaron…I’m gonna get you help…I’m so sorry…for everything.” Robert said, cupping Aaron’s face.

Aaron sighed…“This isn’t you, Robert…I’ve done this long before you…You don’t get to take the credit for this.” Aaron laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Robert wasn’t having it, “It’s not funny.”

“Not it’s not, but you don’t get to shoulder this blame, Robert, not this. This is not yours to carry. I have been getting help…and this is always going to be something I struggle with. I don’t need you to save me Rob, I need to keep saving myself.” Aaron pushed the hair from Robert’s forehead and kissed his forehead before leaning his on Robert’s.

“And like you told me once Robert, you need looking after, too. You need help, too…You need to continue looking after yourself, taking care of yourself, and letting others in.”

Robert blew out a long breath, “Can I at least clean you up properly and hold you?”

Aaron smiled, “hell yes.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG...How long has it been since my last update? I don't even know! I'm so sorry! Not going to lie, I haven't had a whole lot of motivation to watch Robron lately or write Robron because this SL...I'm just so over this SL!! And Malec is feeding my soul right now! BUT, I do want to finish this fic, and some new spoilers for Robron have intrigued me!!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> It's short, but I needed something to get me back into writing this fic! A couple more chapters and it will be finished:)

“Boxing!” Adam exclaimed as he made his way into the portacabin, taking a seat across from Aaron. 

 

Aaron blinked, narrowing his eyes at his best mate, “You what?” he said, eyes still glazed over from stacks of paperwork he had been working on. 

 

Adam lifted his feet up on the desk, making himself a home, “I know a guy who knows a guy.”

 

When Aaron didn’t reply Adam continued, “Who owns a boxing club, and you could use it, pulled in a favor, didn’t I.” Adam was smiling, all proud of himself, like he had just one a friend of the year award.

 

Aaron rolls his eyes, “Oh well that sounds legit...a friend of a friend, huh?” Aaron rubs his eyes, worried now that Robert had been talking to Adam behind his back.  “Have you been talking to Robert?” 

 

Adam frowns, “What do you mean? What’s going on?”  

 

Aaron can see the confusion and concern on Adam’s face; he’s never been a good liar. If Adam knew about Aaron self-harming again, he wouldn’t be able to hide it. 

 

“I thought you and Robert were working things out...What’s going on now?” Adam asks, exasperated.

 

Aaron waves him off. “Nothing. It’s nothing like that...I just, I just wondered.”

 

Adam takes his feet off the desk and leans forward in his chair, “Listen mate, we’ve been friends for how long?” He shakes his head, “too long, I know when something's wrong...and I can tell you’ve been tense ever since this Rebecca shit, and I figured you were about ready to blow. I wanted you to take it out on something other than yourself, Aaron…” Adam sighs, looking sad. He points between himself and Aaron, “That’s all this was.” 

 

Aaron is speechless. He forgets sometimes how much Adam knows and understands him, sometimes even more than Robert. 

 

Aaron nods, “When and where?”

 

\------

 

“Where the hell have you been?” Cried Robert. He was worried and scared. He had been trying to reach Aaron all day and couldn’t get ahold of him. He’d even tried Adam and no answer from him either. 

 

Aaron had his head down as he shuffled in the front door. He meant to text Robert earlier but forget. First he got lost on his way to the boxing club then he was too distracted with everything that it completely slipped his mind. Aaron also wasn’t sure if he was going to continue to go and if so did he need to tell Robert if he was only going to go one time.

 

Aaron worried about if Robert didn’t want him to continue to go and he quickly learned he liked going. It became easier to stay quiet for the time being, that was till he decided to get in the ring with some asshole named Duce that Aaron had to shut up, but unfortunately, Duce got in a right hook before Aaron kicked his ass. 

 

Aaron loved it. He wanted to go back, but now he was sporting a black eye, and a very angry Robert as he walked in the door.  _ Great. _

 

Aaron continued to keep his head down, “Don’t get mad--”

 

Robert made his way over to Aaron, standing in front of him, “What do you mean don’t get mad? I’m already mad! I’ve been trying to reach you all day! I’ve been worried sick!” Robert couldn't believe Aaron had the audacity to tell him not to be mad, considering everything that was going on, that he didn’t have the courtesy to call and tell him where he was, that he was okay. 

 

Aaron felt guilty, he knew he was being unfair. He should have called or text Robert. Aaron took a deep breath and looked up. 

 

Robert sucked in a breath, eyes narrowing, “What the fuck--”

 

Aaron’s hands went out, as if to ward off incoming evil. He didn’t want Robert going into destructive mode. 

 

“Who hurt you?” He seethed.

 

“No one hurt me.”

 

Robert laughed, the kind of laugh without humor. It was hollow and sent shivers down Aaron spine. He was ready to hurt anyone that hurt Aaron.  “Oh really, you just gave yourself a black eye did you? I mean, I know you’re talented, Aaron, but even you can’t punch yourself in the eye.” 

 

Aaron sighed, rolling his eyes. He knew Robert was mad, and sometimes when Robert was mad, hurt, scared, he became an asshole. 

 

“I went boxing, okay!”

 

Robert stood there, hands on his hips. He went to open his mouth, then shut it again. 

 

Aaron decided to continue, “Adam came to the portacabin yesterday and said he knew a guy who would let me use their club for boxing….I figured it was a good way to let off steam.” Aaron decided to take a seat on the sofa, “I figured it was a better alternative than….ya know.” Aaron made a gesture to his stomach, indicating where his cuts were. 

 

Robert sat down next to Aaron. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

 

Aaron shrugged, “I dunno...I mean, I wasn’t sure it was gonna work out.” Aaron looked up at Robert, “then if it did, I didn’t want you to tell me not to do it.”

 

“Did you like it?”

 

Aaron smiled, “I loved it. I want to keep doing it, Rob.”

 

Robert grabbed Aaron’s head, kissing him on the forehead. He pulled away still holding onto his head, “Then that’s all that matters. I just want you to be happy and healthy Aaron, and if boxing does that, then you have my full support.”  

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and boxing AU Robron fics, I NEED THEM! haha! 
> 
> <3


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